What’s worse than Sunday night blues?
Six months without Sunday night blues!
It has been an amazing six months of not working. I’ve learnt new skills, such as emceeing my first (church) event and babysitting (and caught glimpses of parenthood and the perspective of children), relearned old skills (Adobe Illustrator all over again for church design work, helped paint a mural), had plenty of long lunches with mom & Sl, travelled on a cruise ship to Portugal, Morocco, Tenerife (part of the Canary Islands), Spain (Madeira, Seville and Barcelona, to be more exact), another holiday in Melbourne, bid my sister farewell as she left for studies, felt the despair and desperation of joblessness and questioned my self-worth many a time, prayed more than before with Groupie and on my own, read books indulgently, played so much Ipod games, slept so much (and enjoyed every bit of it), jogged more than ever before (personal record, 4km! Not much, but it’s a start), went for job interviews and faced rejection, had lunches with ex-colleagues who I believe will be friends for life, saw a close friend lose her baby (and realised that every child born into this world is a miracle and a blessing from God), helped mom with her Nepal mission trip, visited friends in hospital to encourage them. Learned that being a friend means being a listening ear, shoulder to cry on and heart to pray for that friend through thick and thin, and anytime, anywhere. Learnt more about youth ministry and mentoring, and attempted to mentor and listen more intentionally. Answered prayers - a job call when I needed encouragement, new friends at AYLC when I prayed so hard for them. Being able to see PwP at work - that was such a blessing for me - my heart just goes out to these children and the work. Continue to guide us in this area and help us be a blessing to others, especially those who need Your love and help every day.
I realise that God allows us to work because that’s what we’re made to do. Without it, we feel so purposeless - like we’re not productive! However, I realise that with or without my job, God loves me and values me the same. My self worth does not depend on my job status, but it does make me a better steward with the talents, skills and experience He’s given me. I’ve learnt that this period of time has tested and continues to teach me patience, and waiting on God. It’s so hard to wait - and so hard to not insist on what I think is best, but to to yield control to God.
I’ve seen God work in miraculous ways these six months. Healing my church aunty through fourth stage peritoneal cancer, seen the power of hope in a living God through my friend who lost her first child at nine months, God’s sovereign timing and plans played out in my soon to be missionary friend being provided for through answered prayers and opened doors, God’s providence for a friend who got a job all in immaculate fashion. How God tests our faith through trials. How God moves in our cell group, moving our members to tears through their different circumstances. How God has blessed me so much with the financial ability to withstand six months of bumming, and supportive family, boyfriend and friends. How blessed I am to love the youths and be loved by them. How blessed to spend time with little ones and to be loved so unconditionally by them - that’s why You desire such faith Father. I am always still learning and may I continue to have the humility to keep learning.
I still fail in many areas - temptations and trials that continue to test and overcome me at times. Unrighteous anger, selfishness, envy, covetousness, pride, jealousy, hatred, being judgmental and calculative… just to name a few of the flaws and sin in my life.
Father help me to continue to love you first and like a child - wholeheartedly, unashamedly, honestly and unconditionally. Help me to listen to your gentle Spirit prompting, and to obey because I love You, no matter how hard it is.
I thank You for how You have helped me deepen my prayer life just a wee bit. I know I have a long way more, but I am so encouraged that at least, it’s a start.
May 1st, 2013. What will the rest of the year bring?
Teach me to number my days aright that I may gain a heart of wisdom. Every day is an opportunity to develop, to learn, to cherish, to bless. Help me to walk in your ways, live a Spirit-filled, Spirit-led life.
May I not be afraid to make mistakes, take risks and to learn (and the humility to admit I need help), the thick-skinnedness and will to say no where necessary and the wisdom to know the difference.